As someone who grew up with learning disabilities, this book really got to me as a child and even now. This is a story about a girl who has dyslexia with letters and numbers. Her classmates make fun of her when she isn't advancing as quickly as the other students, but Mr. Falker takes her under his wing. This is such a hopeful read for everyone, but especially for children with learning disabilities.
It shows them that they have worth, talent, Billy doesn't believe his grandpa when he's told a friendly giant has quietly helped the town in the past. When Billy learns that the giant hides because people aren't always friendly or nice, he tries his best to make it up to the giant. The illustrations in this book are breathtaking and magical. It's a quiet book with an important message that I love.
I finished this book in one sitting — absorbing, heartbreaking, and very, very necessary. A worthy companion to The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas, Dear Martin illuminates the brutal and unrelenting consequences of racism through the voice of Justyce, a black teen attending a mostly white prep school. A voice and story that need to be heard and amplified!
Le Guin is undoubtedly one of the greatest sci-fi and fantasy authors of our time. In this, her first volume in the Earthsea series, readers are introduced to Ged, a young wizard. Flawed by his pride, Ged unwittingly draws a shadow from the world beyond and must journey across Earthsea's archipelago to save himself from utter destruction. Read the series that has inspired thousands and discover for yourself the magic of Earthsea. You do not want to miss out on this book! New Kid is a delight — really smart and so, so funny. Being the new kid at school is always rough. Jordan has been sent to an elite private academy, when really he'd rather go to art school.
The story is peppered with Jordan's own drawings of his trials and tribulations. He is a great, relatable main character! In New Kid , Craft navigates middle school angst while cleverly and A girl and her cat find a nighttime portal to another world, and an adorable adventure ensues.
Perfect for the curious kiddo in your life. Colin Meloy has a way with relatable child characters living remarkable lives. Gingerbread begins as a somewhat standard family story, but promptly unfolds into an imaginative tale of a mother and daughter's long family history, at the center of which is an inherited gingerbread recipe.
Don't miss this satisfying, unconventional story by award-winning author Helen Oyeyemi. Recommended by Kim S. Melody is a funny and amazingly intelligent nonverbal year-old girl with cerebral palsy. She struggles to fit in with her verbal peers at school, and begins to feel fed up with it. With the help of her family, a speech therapist, and a family friend, she receives assistive technology to help her communicate. This is an amazing read for anyone of any age. Melody's story asserts the notion that one should always assume competence with our As the mother of two biracial children, this book made me cry.
Some of her friends think she's black. Some of her friends think she's white. She doesn't think she's either. Her parents insist that "color is just a word," but she still wants one all her own. I love that she persists until she discovers a color and identity all on her own. This is the voice of an autistic writer who uses a communication board and technology to speak. As an autistic person, it's nice to see different perspectives on this journey we experience as autistic people growing up in a neuro-typical world.
He isn't always positive, and is sometimes even transparent with the moments at which This was one of my favorite books as a child and, wow, does it hold up! Claudia Kincaid is a precocious year-old who ropes her younger brother into running away with her to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Most of all, I love that this book respects the intelligence of young readers.
The author understands that children have rich internal lives and complex emotional motivations. This book, while small, is wise and expansive, and I found its Don't let the failure of the box office fool you, the His Dark Materials series written by renowned author Philip Pullman remains a fantasy favorite of old and young alike.
Written in contrast to the undertones of Christianity in Tolkien and C. Lewis, Pullman wrote for the nondenominational audience. Join Lyra and her daemon Pan on their quest to solve the great mystery of dust, and discover the magic that has captivated readers for decades. I want to frame the pages of this book, so I can look at them everyday. Dreamy and beautiful — it captures the eerie and captivating nature of abandoned things. Open up this book!
Iconic street fashion photographer Bill Cunningham said, "Fashion is the armor to survive the reality of everyday life. A story about being true to yourself and finding your passion with illustrations that jump off the page. I loved this book! It warms my heart to think of all the kids who will be helped and comforted by this lovely book. Instead of shying away from a tough feelings, it portrays sadness directly and honestly, offering simple yet powerful tools to try when you're feeling sad. Essential for every child's library! But what if sometimes good can go too far?
With soft illustrations filled with detail and deadpan humor, The Good Egg reminds us that the first step in being good is being good to yourself. Peter H. Reynolds returns with another tale of sage advice and a call to action for readers young and old. Say Something empowers even the quietest of us to say something with words or actions to spark change in ourselves — and the world around us. Recommended by Kate L. A great gift for new and old Carle fans alike, Eric Carle's Book of Many Things is filled with over words and concepts little readers will delight in.
Showcasing the colorful collage work synonymous with the author, full spreads feature weather, food, and feelings, with sweet cameos by beloved characters such as the Very Hungry Caterpillar and the Angry Lady Bug. The Giver was one of my favorite books as a child, and it's perfect for a graphic treatment. I'm really excited that P. Craig Russell's adaptation stays true to the original; his artwork heightens the impact of some of the novel's most memorable scenes without distracting from Lowry's chilling story. Recommended by Rhianna W. Twelve-year-old Iris is deaf, and often feels cut off from her peers.
When she learns about a whale that is similarly isolated, she hatches a plan to help him. This book is so very lovely, and packs in a ton of beautiful messages about the importance of things like belonging, hope, and fighting for what you believe in. An awesome kids' book on consent and self-advocacy! It is written in a way that is clear for a child to understand, and that parents or teachers can build a discussion around. There are situational explanations with friends and relatives given in the story.
It goes on to say that you can always tell someone no, even if the person in your space is a relative or a friend.
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Highly recommended for kids reaching the age where they start to grasp the Hello, Login. Visit Our Stores. Dog Man: For Whom the Ball Rolls Dav Pilkey [isbn] An excellent series for reluctant readers continues, as Dog Man and Petey the Cat are faced with new problems, ranging from tackling supervillains and parental woes… to being chased by balls? The Poison Jungle Tui T. Sutherland [isbn] The exciting dragon series continues as Sundew and her tribe of LeafWings get more than they bargained for when they head deep into the jungle, seeking a long-held secret to advance their war against the HiveWings.
Dream Big Joyce Wan [isbn] Joyce Wan turns her adorable and joyous style towards female trailblazers in this perfectly lap-read-sized board book. Leila in Saffron Rukhsanna Guidroz, Dinara Mirtalipova [isbn] Like all of us, Leila has moments when she isn't quite sure she likes herself. Tombs of Atuan Earthsea 2 Ursula K Le Guin [isbn] Tombs of Atuan takes you on a different journey than you expect to go on, or rather, someone else's journey.
Damsel Elana K. Arnold [isbn] Damsel uses the prince-rescues-damsel trope as an allegory for the perpetuation of violence against women through the ages. Uni the Unicorn and the Dream Come True Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Brigette Barrager [isbn] After endless rain leaves the land of unicorns in danger, only sparkles and friendship can save the day!
Bloom Kevin Panetta, Savanna Ganucheau [isbn] All Ari wants to do is escape the family bakery and move to the city, where he can finally focus on his music — but will a cute new baker with a new perspective change his mind? Sealskin Su Bristow [isbn] I'm a giant sucker for a selkie story, and Bristow does a admirable job of fleshing out this old Scottish fairy tale.
Meditate with Me A Step By Step Mindfulness Journey Mariam Gates, Margarita Surnaite [isbn] Adults often tell kids to "calm down," but we don't always teach kids the skills to actually calm down their bodies and their thoughts. Grandpas Stories Joseph Coelho, Allison Colpoys [isbn] A girl shares a year full of memories about her grandpa, season by season. Terrible Thing Happened Margaret M Holmes [isbn] Sherman Smith saw something that upset him so much that he decides to just not think about it. How to Read a Book Kwame Alexander [isbn] Newbery medalist Kwame Alexander wrote this wonderful poem about the joys of books and reading.
Where Are You From? Geekerella Ashley Poston [isbn] This quirky and fun Cinderella retelling is perfect for anyone who's ever believed in the magic of fandom. Just Jaime Terri Libenson [isbn] Middle school is tough enough as part of a close-knit clique. Cinderella Liberator Rebecca Solnit and Arthur Rackham [isbn] Solnit turns Cinderella into a story about being kind and lifting each other up, and she consciously subverts the more dated tropes associated with the fairy tale.
How To Walk An Ant Cindy Derby [isbn] Amariyah offers us a detailed manual complete with appendixes on how to be your neighborhood ant walker. Ember in the Ashes 01 Sabaa Tahir [isbn] First in an excellent trilogy, An Ember in the Ashes introduces an ironfisted empire on the brink of civil war. Poetree Shauna LaVoy Reynolds, Shahrzad Maydani [isbn] Sylvia ties her spring poem to a birch tree and the next day, a new poem is waiting for her. Bridge Home Padma Venkatraman [isbn] This emotional tale of family and loyalty will interest readers both familiar and unfamiliar with the Indian way of life.
Bookstore Babies Puck, Violet Lemay [isbn] Learning words, embarking on adventures, having some belly time… Bookstore Babies illustrates, with sweet, soft drawings, all the things babies can do while exploring their neighborhood bookstore. Little Fox in the Forest Stephanie Graegin [isbn] A little girl brings her toy fox to school where it is then stolen by a real fox. Golden Glow Benjamin Flouw [isbn] This book is so lovely, and makes me long for warm summer days in the mountains.
Circle Mac Barnett, Jon Klassen [isbn] The best picture books live just a little to the left of weird and inexplicable. Zuckerberg [isbn] As welcoming as it is informative, this joyful guide celebrates both the questions you may have and the answers you might find. C Is for Consent Eleanor Morrison, Faye Orlove [isbn] Having worked with young children around issues of safe touch and boundaries, I'm so happy to see a book about consent aimed at that audience. Thank You Mr Falker Patricia Polacco [isbn] As someone who grew up with learning disabilities, this book really got to me as a child and even now.
Dear Martin Nic Stone [isbn] I finished this book in one sitting — absorbing, heartbreaking, and very, very necessary. A Wizard of Earthsea Ursula K. Le Guin [isbn] Le Guin is undoubtedly one of the greatest sci-fi and fantasy authors of our time. New Kid Jerry Craft [isbn] You do not want to miss out on this book! Gingerbread Helen Oyeyemi [isbn] Gingerbread begins as a somewhat standard family story, but promptly unfolds into an imaginative tale of a mother and daughter's long family history, at the center of which is an inherited gingerbread recipe.
Honeysmoke Monique Fields [isbn] As the mother of two biracial children, this book made me cry. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler Konigsburg, E. When Sadness is at Your Door Eva Eland [isbn] It warms my heart to think of all the kids who will be helped and comforted by this lovely book. Say Something! Reynolds [isbn] Peter H. Song for a Whale Lynne Kelly [isbn] Twelve-year-old Iris is deaf, and often feels cut off from her peers. My Body Belongs to Me! Browse by Staff Member. Abigail R. Adam P. Adrianna S. Adrienne C. Alec B. Alex K. Alex Y. Amanda P. Amber N. Amy W Amy W.
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Be a good role model. My daughter is a steamroller. She does it a lot to her teachers. These days, she is a high school student. Her excuses are killing her grades. She still blames her teachers including me for her irresponsible behavior. Anyway, she argues about everything. It feels I have a lawyer in my house. I gave my very best, but she still is making a lot of excuses. Last summer, she was in a complete lockdown. Now, we are back at it again because she failed three classes. She still argues about why she failed them. Thanks for sharing, Mavel. Your situation is pretty serious so I would recommend getting some counsel.
She has free will and you cannot control everything, but I respect all of your efforts. Maybe, you should get a strong counsellor. Or take away her phone. My mom does that and it works! So why is she feeling like she must always defensively argue every little thing?? What can I do to help her? She lives in 2 homes, as we are divorced, and I know we do things differently in each of our homes, but could this be contributing this greatly to this behavior?
You described our 10 year old daughter perfectly! We adopted her 2. Thank you for this. My husband and I have been dealing with an almost unruly 5. He is very defiant and strong-willed. When we tell him no, he will just pace around and not listen until we get up and get him ready. He consistently talks-back and has been very disobedient and disrespectful. Time-outs are ineffective and we have had several chats and no results. I feel it has become worse since he started kindergarten. Any advice?
Honestly, our youngest son 7 has been more like you described than any of the others keeping me humble! I think consistency is key, and if he is asking for help doing things you know he can do on his own, you need to be firm and stand your ground. Natural consequences being late and suffering whatever consequences that gives him help.
Also: Incentives rewards for a day of obedience, etc can really help. Otherwise I think it is just perseverance. We are not against spankings, but it is still not fixing the root of this problem. Not losing my cool is also a struggle. He knows exactly how to push my buttons! I dont think we are going about it the right way. There are Mommy things and Maid things.
Does saying “don’t tattle” send kids the wrong message? | Parenting
I just wanted to add an update since I got a notification about this post. Our son gets ready for school by himself and has become very independent overall. I am happy to say the time-outs and spankings are pretty rare these days! I have a very pleasant, respectful, bright young boy! Thanks for the feedback.
Gosh, so many if you really struggling. I feel for you. Media, school, friends — all telling them the world owes them. Remind yourself, and them, of good things they do do. My kids, I never have to help them get up and ready for school — bonus. But, one spends a lot of time having angry sessions at us and tantrums — the other can not grasp much about compassion and also very argumentative. Ours do not have any devices in their room, and are only allowed on them before tea, in the lounge.
I think if we try and limit their time blocking us out of their lives with screens, the better life is. Kids are hard work, relationships are. Too many parents not doing it hard are not helping their kids learn to be responsible and respectful people. I suggest laying out some simple consequences. Something that makes it not worth it to delay or disobey. Be firm and be consistent. Hang in there!! You can do it. I have the same with my older boy.
So, I tell him in ten minutes, you will need to come off that game to — do chores, have tea etc. When I remember to do this we do get along much better. My daughter is 15, and argues about every little thing I tell her. She has an excuse for not doing any of her homework, chores and even eating what i cook. Drives me insane. I am to the point where i tell her and if she argues, I just walk away and then come back and ask again. My daughter is now 30 and continues to argue and debate anything I might say. I shared a how to I learned to March in the military ,she right away explained I hear you dad but every individual is different and expressed themselves differently and should be accepted for thier differences in doing things.
At this I felt a tightness in my chest and felt like screaming. I feel she has no respect for me or my life experience. Please help. Does your daughter feel that your saying it must be this way. A healthy debate can emerge if she puts forward a different viewpoint which may open your eyes to a new way.
But not a problem if you agree to disagree. My 15 year old goes to her room. Thank you for this article! My 11 sounds identical, down to the arguing if the sky is blue he will say it is green or purple! I adopted him when he was 4 and he has been this way his whole life. I have tried so many, many, many things and found myself ready to pull my hair out, as others have mentioned in their comments.
This year, he has added a tone of disgust and patronizing to me and I reached a boiling point. So I told my son, this is it. You have a very bad habit of arguing with me and talking to me disrespectfully and this is the end. If you continue to do this, I will take your privileges one by one until you have none left and you will have to earn them all back. First to go was his allowance. Then, I decided I would not buy him any new school clothes, he will just have to wear the ones he has about 2 weeks worth without doing laundry , no new book bag the old one had a tear in it , no new lunch box after he lost it at school the first week.
And, he kept arguing and being disrespectful! I took his laptop. Still no change!! After that, he finally started changing. He is in a middle ground stage, where he still might say the disrespecftul thing or start to argue, then he stops himself, apologizes. This has been two weeks now where he has really really slowed down his arguing and disrespectfulness. He is getting better a little every day.
So far, he has earned back soccer practice, his computer, his iphone which he lost for a day again , and today I will give him his ipod. He knows I am totally serious so I hope this is the change that I have been trying to bring about for years. It drove me crazy giving him so much… so much love, so many opportunities, so many belongings, and then to be disrespectful and unkind to me. Especially when I would ask him to help, like hold the door or bring in groceries.
Good luck to you and everyone! Alicia, I can totally identify with you. We have a 9 year old we adopted 2 years. He is such incredibly hard work. He spends all his time complaining about everything……. His attitude is of complete self-righteousness. He cannot accept he is EVER wrong. When we ask, plead, talk to him, set consequences for his behaviour he has a full blown tantrum. Where did it all go wrong? He was a problem from day one and it was made worse because his behaviour made it difficult to really like him.
His teacher told us at parents day the other day that he was a little immature for his age. He even gets annoyed if we find something his little brother does funny. Ive just dropped my son at school and deel exhausted. Hes 9 almost 10 and im finding that almost everything i say or ask he has an answer for. Its not always an argumentative way but he just constantly thinks hes right and he knows best. Today i took the PlayStation away and said no baseball this afternoon but he still would have a comment to say.
I get angry and frustrated as it just doesnt sink in. Then im left feeling bad and worried how this will effect him. I just dont know what to do one hand its not lile hes real naughty but just the lack of respect for what his father and i say just blows me away. Get out of my head! No seriously. LOL Exact same story today. Dropped off my 8 year old little girl at school who was tardy because she argued about everything I told her to do.
We too, take away things that she loves and like you mentioned, she still has something to say even after the punishment is doled out! She listens to other people and she is a great student, she loves church and she is a great friend. Her and I however clash like the Titans. There is such discord between her and I that it makes me feel like a failure and it breaks my heart. My other five year old daughter however is the complete opposite and we get along beautifully and seamlessly.
This also is the cause of frustration for my 8 year old because she sees the pleasant relationship her sister and I share as a result of her obedient and willingness to be respectful.
It is sure frustrating. His therapist told me that my son is very passive aggressive. Yep, totally blows me away also. Glenda—I am sorry for what you are going through. You both need those. I will pray for you. Keep in mind at that age kids are going through a lot, and changing a lot. Have patience and let your son know you are there for him and not against him. You can make a big difference by staying positive, firm and loving. Please keep me posted. What do i do?? Keep talking to her and loving her. She needs your love. You are the adult and must be mature and objective.
Find connecting points and give her time. Get help through a counselor if you need. We r going to a councelor. SHE said to let her fend on her own for this week til we go for next visit fri. Thank you for ur advise. I have a 10yr old granddaughter and she is argumentative mostly with me when her and her older brother visit for the day, we have them once a week in the last three weeks of the school holidays.
I cannot and will not keep on blaming her attitude on the divorce of her parents four years ago or that her father has just sold his house in the same town as our daughter. My daughter and her ex are on very good terms and he travels down from the north of UK where he works every weekend to see his children and he and us are on good terms too. Love the article. We have one such 17 year old who has a bad case of the itis. He is constantly arguing, for no reason than he wants to prove us wrong.
Time—then he accuses US of arguing with him. I really do agree with your assessment of if they cannot learn to listen to their earthly parents, how will be able to listen to their heavenly father? I have said this for years because the issue has been going on for years. I worry and pray constantly about the type of jobs they will have, and their future spouses.
Today he shared with me that he feels grown-ups are always bossing him around. I sat him down and explained the differences between someone teaching him something -v- someone being bossy. I explained that to know something is to learn it. I used specific examples and maybe I saw the light go on. How do you deal with a toddler 4 years old doing things like that?! I can relate to how you feel! Reading these comments lets me know that we are not alone. Hang in there and good luck! Great article! He gets cought up in telling others when they have errored in some detail, like grammar, or rules, or facts.
I say this because I think the two traits are related. I cant always sit him and and lecture him, nor do i want to! So I sum up previous conversations with the main point. Love this. Thank you for sharing! I pray for effective results. Thanks Monica, great read! This is spot on for our 10 year old son. He is a very bright little boy with a great sense of humour but never knows where the line in the sand is. I feel like such a bad parent because I always seem to be arguing with him. Thanks Monica! This was great and hits right at home with my 10 year old daughter.
She has will power beyond control and we struggle a lot.
Does saying “don’t tattle” send kids the wrong message?
Thank you for this…. I can pocket these in my memory as well because I also have a 9 yo and 4 yo — All boys. My two cents….. Yes and yes all the way on your comment! I will use that one today. Much love and keep up the great work! This is my middle son!! He is exactly as you describe your son- every single thing you just wrote, he does it!
Drives me nuts! These are such great options!! Thank you, as always you have good insight! That usually squashes it. He may roll his eyes as he walks away but he stops. I think when you listen to answer you tend to only hear half of what is being said. I can be guilty of it too! Thank you Kristie! Aloha to you— keep up the great work! I repeat myself so many times to get anything done.
Bed time turns into an ugly time because I need to say it so many times that its bed time. He argues every time and says No a lot. I feel so helpless and angry with myself for not being able to handle the situation better. I fear this is going to affect my relationship with him in years to come. Be firm. Be loving.
Be consistent. Consequence must outweighs his satisfaction in the argument. Then have some fun with him as you build your relationship in healthy ways too! Good parenting is not for the faint of heart. She is incredibly argumentative and reverts to toddler-like tantrums when i put my foot down, crying on the floor and stomping her feet. I gave up this morning after she screamed at me saying that i made her have a tantrum. Priya—Oh man, that is so hard.
Yes, I think these tools will help. Make the consequence of her poor behavior more memorable than the small satisfaction of a tantrum. Much aloha—. This right here is my husband and our 7 year old have the samd personality and this describes them both to a t-but as you can imagine that this is not a good combination more times than not! Oh man…double trouble in your house!
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I think your husband needs to be the one to initiate change. He should be in charge, but carrying on in an argument with a 7 yr. Hang in there— hope it gets better. Same in my house. My husband is an arguer, nothing is ever his fault and he is sometimes disrespectful. He argues with our 15 year old daughter. Last night she had a melt down and instead of just walking away and letting her have it he antagonized her. Which caused it to last even longer. She had to go to bed without finishing her homework. I have talked to him to no avail. I really think that she would be more likely to change her ways.
Oh yes, this is my child. Lynn, yes, it can be so challenging with some personality types. Hang in there, be consistent, and remember to add plenty of JOY to your days so that when you do get serious he does not feel that all you do is correct him. HE needs to receive the corrections in light of a healthy, connected relationship, then he is much more likely to want to please you. Parenting well is not for the faint of heart!
Thanks for the article. We all feel this way at times. All of your work will pay off! You are not meant to do this alone. Loved this article. I am 7 years into the arguments he is 10 now. I am exhausted, depressed and angry most of the time. My husband understands parts of it, but he has his job to go to to escape the daily arguments. He also has a different way with our son, so he appears to be mostly not as impacted as I am.
I really hate all the arguing and the bad juju it leaves in my heart and home. Oh so sorry Lissa—It sounds like this issue is a big one for you. I would always encourage you to consider outside help if you feel like this is a pervasive issue…and affecting you constantly. A family counselor might be super helpful!? ALSO: be sure to keep balanced with plenty of joy and fun in the home. Kids are more likely to want to please you if there is an environment of joy and peace and goodness in your home. Focus on the positive and the other stuff oftentimes falls into place as well.
Its hard to find that balance of also respecting their opinion and feelings on bigger matters. All we have done was lay the ground work of our expectations with the number 1 rule respect and we havent argued in 2 days! Im prepared for her to fall back into old habits and am excited to use the rest of the tips provided. I found it helpful to voice with her that we are expecting this from ber because we love her and not from an authorotative prospective of you will do this because we tell you to.
Explaining it will not only make her happy now but also in the future! Thank you for telling me. Keep me posted, and enjoy the process! While I agree with the tips and almost everything in your article, why does everything I read wrapped up in religion and god? Thank you Jackie. I am glad you find the tips and advice useful, regardless.
I need those so bad right now with my all-knowing, all-powerful, all-furture casting 12 year old son. I dont want it to ruin our relationship. Stepdad: Theres an old saying that goes…- 12year old injerecting: no theres not me; ……. I am wondering if monetary punishment is going to be a good call for him. I wil lstart this tonight…. He turned 9 in sept we have had him since he was 7. He has been through a lot in his short life..
This is a very good read but I am wondering if it will work for me. My son who will be 8 tomorrow has been so argumentative and rude and nasty especially to me at home this is has become very frustrating for me. He has even tried coming at me and I will NOT tolerate that at all. He is an excellent student with great grades and it is very good in school but when he comes home he switches to be a different child.
Every morning it is the same routine, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, get dressed, feed your guinea pigs ,and get bag together and EVERY day it is a constant struggle. I need help,,,,. Oh Leah—I am so sorry. I do think you should seek some counsel in person. I wish I could chat more with you about things, but from a distance this is difficult. A good counselor may help you get to the root of things. It sounds like your son needs serious discipline, and most of all a heart-change.
God can change his heart and give him the desire to honor his parents, but he needs to see his own need for help too. I will pray that you find direction with this. I am glad you take it serious as it is important to get sorted out now rather than later. Bless you and do not give up!!
This has been very helpful! I have a 7 year ild head strobg girl. I dont want her to lose that confidence but i do want her to learn reapect. It is however comforting to remind myself that when she is a grown woman she wont allowbherself to be taken advantage of or walked on. I cant wait to try some of these tactics out. Oh my gosh thank you for posting this. I think besides having a few guidelines from another frustrated mom, it just helps knowing that this is normal for some kids.
Thank you! Katie—Haha, I love that comment! I am a new foster mom of a 9 year old girl. Any feedback or recommendations are appreciated. Well first of all, bless you for fostering a 9 year old, that is no easy task. And because of the nature of that relationship, of course many things probably have to be let go of…Pick your battles kind of thing. I do agree with you that there is a sense of control in her replies, and maybe for now that is helping her through.
You can do this without a big battle I would imagine and if you work on it consistently and with a kind heart, she may not give you as much push-back as you would think. Hang in there and keep up the amazing work!! My boys are great at argueing. Thank you so much for this. I woke up so down today because I have lost control of this arguing. I find myself avoiding my child. So I read this. I have dusted myself off and will go in to put a stop to this. I have struggled with the balance of respect of parents and allowing them to be strong.
This helps so much. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Wendy! I wish you all the best as you go in strong. So pace yourself and be realistic. And also: Keep a sense of humor! My 6 year old son does as you say. He also argues before i have really said much. I began to doubt myself as a father as we are so close but recently i feel i am always telling him off and i feel like i am losing that link with him.
I have banned his tablet, playstation and now the tv. Next i told him he will miss football training. I just hope he will learn now as i love watching him play football. I will try your tips. And I do think being consistent is a big key. Carve out time for that and the other stuff will not be so hard for your son to take.
I feel your pain through your comment. You are in a tough position. I would highly recommend talking to your husband respectfully when you are not in the heat of the moment. You should clearly share your frustration and the goals of your parenting. If he is unwilling to talk to you I would seek professional counsel.
It really is gonna be hard to move forward in this area of parenting if your husband is not on the same page. As your best friend, I feel it has go stop. ONE thing I learned is that they have learned to argue from someone. My daughter did or like to argue or people who did when she was little. She would cover her ears if anyone argued around her. I know cause once I over heard her coaching my daughter on the phone to argue with me.
Just today she messed up on her pumpkin. No matter how we decided to fix it, she continue to argue with negatives. It went on for over an hour Last time she did this, cops came. Neighbors assumed cause she argued so much she was being abused. It has to stop.
I will end up slapping my child if they continue that way. You are lucky. He said if they happen to get called again just tell them he said it just my teenager acting up. Her father even have tried and have left the room and gave up. Her old after school program even said she Argues with the teachers and asked where she got that behavior from. My daughter has a best friend who basically plots alot to get her way and coach my daughter in argueing.
I have decide to take us to therapy so maybe then she will made to be quiet and not argue when I speak. She argues over my voice. I know it. I have an 11 yr old daughter who is just like this. She loves baby dolls and barbies, and she is very observant. We are homeschooling and she argues about everything. All the points you made are so valid. Thanks for this article!!!! Thank you for all the stories and advise. There is a lot of wisdom to grab hold of! I will be trying some of the strategies from other parents on this site.
Here is my story…. Oscar is my emotionally charged, strong willed 7 yr old who wants mostly to be a teenager, which in his mind is when he will be emancipated from the tyranny of my rules. He has a strong sense of right and wrong which can both polarize his thinking so that the arguing becomes a matter of principle or help us to get him to see that arguing more often than not, for simple argument sake stands against his moral code.
We call it opposite talk. And, we calmly most of the time ask Oscar if he is telling us the truth or if he is telling us the opposite. This can bring him around because lying is not a part of who he wants to be. This is mostly effective when he is given consequences for blatant opposite talk, mostly that he does not get what he truly wants. He gets the opposite. And, yes, being consistent in enforcing the consequences is HARD! When his arguing is more about enforcing his will, I use another approach.
I get him face to face with me and ask him to look at me and listen. On his side. And that I know he wants to… be on time for the bus, as an example. He hates being late. I tell him that I want to help him accomplish this and I will not argue with him. If he does not do what I am asking him to do, he may be late. That is his choice. He almost always turns his actions, if not his attitude, around. And I never get impatient and blow my top. So thanks again for the information and for the community of parents created here.
Keep it up. My son is 8 and he argue with me everyday even if i say we had a good day he will roll his eyes i started to let him play out just out the front in the garden he loved it and i was using that when he was argue but not it dont bother him i am going to try the house work part and see if that will help i alway call him the joker of the class. Of course he is only 5 but has been stubborn and argumentative since he was born. LOVE all of that, Tricia! Thanks for sharing.
My 14 yr old grandson, has a very strong personality. He and his mother have just recently moved in with us. They have come out of a very verbally abusive home. So now I am receiving emails from the school that he can talks back to the teachers, and is late to class. He has no respect for authority as for the past 10 years it seems he and his step dad have gone toe to toe. So my grandson, has lost respect for authority and it transfers to teachers and class mates.
How do you handle this. He does not seem phased if you take anything away. What to do. He really is a kind sweet young man. I think he has lost himself. But I do not know how to reach him. I started looking for information online because my husband swears our 8 year old daughter is abnormal.
She has days where she argues about literally everything. Any insight or personal experience on if this is normal or not? She probably is normal but has a very strong personality. But if you or your husband has legitimate concerns, it never hurts to see a professional and look into things. There are personality disorders in kids as well, and there is help if you need it. But many kids around that age are testing boundaries and demonstrating a strong personality by being argumentative so absolutely this could be normal.
Set strong boundaries…teach respect…stay in control. Hello, I too have an extremely argumentative child. Our days go like this…. Then comes time to brush teeth and hair…oh my goodness…it is a struggle. When she gets home from school, I give her some time to unwind…when it comes time for homework she with fight tooth and nail. I am at my wits end. I will tell her if you argue and ignore me then I am taking your tablet away.
She will act like she is complying then hide the tablet! She will not stay in a time out. My husband and I have both set her down and explained why there are rules and why the arguing is negative but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. She is disrespectful not only to us but others that just say hello to her. I was raised to respect others so this has been a huge struggle to get her to understand.
She screams and cries and I always think to myself that I want to scream and cry, lol. Honestly, I do worry that she will have problems as she gets older and into adulthood because of this. I do pick my battles as well. Oh and cleaning her room? That is the hardest one of all I think.
Oh, btw…this is a child that when she was 3 years old popped the screen out of a window and climbed down the drapes to get outside as I was in the very next room making dinner. She even put her shoes on and threw toys out before she went. To say the very least she is strong willed, lol.
Hey Frustrated one…; I hear you, I do. Make sure it is clear and lay out the consequences that go with breaking the rules. Then be on your game, completely consistent…firm but loving. This is hard work but it sounds like she is getting by with murder. Perhaps you are realign with something more than an argumentative child—maybe there is a personality disorder going on that you need extra help with.
Never hesitate to reach out for help! All the best to you and keep me posted, ok? Why he needed to wear orange Skyzone socks with his gray and blue school uniform I chose not to fight this one. Anything shorter…. So we have had to start adding sentences as a consequence for arguing about the consequences for arguing.
My 8 year old argues why all the time… or tries to reason his way out of my request. Now he has to grab a pen and write down all the answers to why and I can come up with many I tell him to do something. He now tries not to argue.
But knows I am willing to discuss it and compare our reasons if its important to him. My kids are 21, 18 and 16 17 in June years old. They have argued with me since birth and are still doing it. Thank you so much…this sounds just how my son is. I definitely will use this tips. I love my son I had no idea how to help him or where to begin…buy again this is a start.
Always talking back talking under the breathe when i remove his favorite stuff he even says i dont care,he love sports so being stuck on the house just allows him to do my annoy stuff like slam doors and say he didnt slam it. This article is great and I can completely relate!
I needed this. Your tips are helpful reminders to help with a strong-willed child! Fortunately and sometimes unfortunately , I have 3 very strong-willed boys who challenge and keep me on my toes daily. I do have one criticism, however. When I was young, I questioned and argued everything. I was thirsty for knowledge and why people especially my parents did and believed what they believed. I have no judgments on the religious. However, I was raised Catholic by very strict Catholic parents. But the more I argued, and the more I was told I was not submitting, the more I pushed back and eventually away.
Hi EK and thank you for taking the time to comment. How we believe that when they do find answers their faith is then only stronger. Part of a good relationship with God includes understanding that His ways are best, and allowing Him to lead. So as my boys grow up in their faith I simply want them to have the healthiest, best relationship with God possible. Asking questions and challenging faith is good. Yet as a Christian we then grow up to love and trust God to lead us.
I feel as if he has no respect for me and thinks I am an idiot. He does not do this to my husband and my husband does not act like this towards me or anyone else. I am crying almost daily and losing my temper with him and then crying because I lose my temper. My husband is fighting cancer right now and the stress is just making my sons behavior worse.
My God my last job before staying home to home school him was the position of National Director for a Medical Licensing Consultant Corporation. I really am not stupid. I am very sorry and grateful at the same time that I am not alone in this. Lisa—I am sorry on so many levels. Find an activity or special time that the two of you can regularly just build a relationship. He needs to feel safe sharing his feelings and working through the stress of growing up, having a dad with cancer, and so on.
Besides that the best thing you can do is to offer firm boundaries and make sure to give consequences without emotion. He will learn more from suffering consequences the loss of a privilege or favorite thing than he will being yelled at our lectured. Hang in there and I will pray for you!
The arguing is extreme right now as is my reaction to it because of hubby being ill but this is just really who my little man is at the moment. Thank you so much for your prayers. Lisa — you are not alone. Hey, I am not a parent yet, but I was a preschool teacher for several years. From just the examples you gave I would make two suggestions.
Number one, give them warning when you are going to be expecting things to be done. In my classroom, when it was almost time to clean up, I would announce that everyone had 5 minutes before cleanup, then visually count down the minutes. This let them finish whatever they were working on, and gave them a clear picture of what needed to be done. Number two: it sounds like your child has a pretty clear idea of what they like to do. So on a day that you want to do a special activity, instead of telling them what you will be doing, ask what they want to do. Or, again, you can inform or ask ahead of time so they can be mentally prepared for what is ahead.
Always our rule is to be respectful first. My aunt had some of the best advice ever for an argumentative child. How does Thursday at 7 work for you? I am about in tears reading this article and comments because I have a very opinionated 9 year old girl who just got her reading time taken away and rest time on the bed instead because of arguing. I need to really stop the arguing when it starts — and give a consequence. Blessings this holidays season! Stay expressionless and disengaged and reinforce your request by giving a choice — this or the consequence!
Just to make him aware of his habit. Last night was a huge episode, and it led to her and her younger sister almost getting seriously injured. I hate yelling, and I try not to when this happens, but my husband has a lot less patience and yells a lot when she does things like argue and disobey. She is very black and white…. I know it can be a strength for her…but it is so frustrating to parent her. AND…she has to have the last word. I loved your article and wish I had read it 10 years ago. My son also is very opinionated, actually so is the majority of the family.
One of the most successful tools that I can up with and it worked so well that my bother and several other parents have used it as well is called Moment Of Silence. Usually 15 minutes worked just fine but once a child earned a whopping hour of silence. This is surprisingly effective and gives all parties time to cool off and regroup.
The rules are: 1. Use a timer for younger kids, older kids can time themselves. They usually glue themselves to the timer like its a lifeline. Allowing preteens and teens to time themselves gives them a sense of control and they are slightly less moody later. In the case of multiple children all offending parties get time. The amount of time depends on their age. No observing parties AKA other siblings or cousins are allowed to tease or try to get the silent child to communicate or they get a timer too.
No talking, writing, electronics, sign language is allowed.